You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
