I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
