Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
