So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
