She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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