we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
