yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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