There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
