I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
