Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
where am i from again
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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