hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
