I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
