I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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