You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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