you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
