I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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