seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
