we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
