we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
