We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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