going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Holy shit dude........stairs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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