next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
