I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
