Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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