I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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