not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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