OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
