how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
