Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
