News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize