i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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