You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
