i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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