I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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