How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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