You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
