Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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