Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
