Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
