I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
