At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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