only if we run a train.
done.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
