you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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