just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
