I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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