Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
