its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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