how can u be prego again
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
