Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
