I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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