I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
