I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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