I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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