I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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