she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
