It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
