dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
