btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
