Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
