Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
