sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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