Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
