Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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