Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
