shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
