somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
