battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
