We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
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Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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