what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
